Are you curious if sobriety will ever get easier? In this blog post, I will tell you about what I have experienced during my recovery.
Does sobriety become easier over time? This was a question I grappled with frequently during my early days of recovery… and with it, more questions came along:
- Will I ever be able to enjoy my life without drinking?
- Will I ever be able to feel true joy?
- Will I ever be able to enjoy festive moments where people around me drink?
- When is this (horrible) FOMO going to end?
Yes.. it will get easier. But that does not mean it will be easy at all times. Still, isn’t this the case for all, sober or not? Despite the fact if you are drinking or if you are sober.. Life goes in waves, it has good times and bad times. Fortunately, without the bad, there wouldn’t be the good and vice versa.
Committing to the sober lifestyle will be a big step and thinking that you will always be battling cravings is not very appealing. But sobriety is not like this at all (thank god). In this blog post, you will learn more about how to deal with sobriety in your early days, how to deal with triggers and I will share some of my own experience.
The early days of sobriety
First things first, let’s talk about the challenges during the early days of sobriety. You start off being so so proud of yourself and your first month goes amazingly well. But then, it becomes normal and you start to envy people who can drink or use. This is what happened to me.. the first period it is all new and exciting but there will come a point in your recovery journey where it all becomes normal. And I am here to tell you that, hitting this plateau is normal. For some people, the pink cloud lasts for weeks, for others it lasts for months or even years.
My biggest tip when you are new to sobriety is, to treat your sobriety like an unborn baby. Just pretend you are pregnant (not really, of course), and treat yourself that way. This includes being kind to yourself and being mindful of your boundaries. Remember that you just decided to completely turn your life upside down, you are vulnerable. If you need to cancel on your grandfather’s 100th birthday because you don’t feel like going, cancel. It is all about you right now and what feels best to you. Don’t think this is selfish, it is taking good care of yourself.
Dealing with triggers and temptations
When I look at myself and how I would like to see my life, I want to be able to do and go where I want and not be limited by being sober. I believe all of us want to feel free instead of trapped or feeling like we are giving something up. This means that at some point you are going to have to deal with triggers: music, certain people, and emotions such as sadness but also joy. How do you deal with those triggers?
- Allow feelings – At the time of writing, I have just returned from Cape Town where I lived for a year. I returned to my old apartment, and I can tell you that the environment is a big trigger. I live close to a big city and there are veeeeeery many places where I have been drinking and using. I was not looking forward and even nervous about facing these again, but I have to honestly admit that it’s not all that bad. However, a flashback of my time in active addiction comes regularly, and I just let those thoughts come and flow. I don’t fight it; if I do this then the thoughts come back 100 times stronger. Just allow and it will pass.
- Talk about it – So important, but not very easy for most of us – talk! Get it out of your head, phone a close friend or a sober buddy. If you are part of a fellowship (NA, AA, and so on) call a fellow. Please don’t sit with your thoughts. My experience is that when I talk about it with others, things immediately lose their charge.
- Be honest – Are you out somewhere and not feeling comfortable? Be honest with others and with yourself. You don’t have to be there. It is important to be kind to yourself and guard your boundaries well, we act as if our recovery is our unborn child, you remember?
- Don’t do things that don’t seem like a good idea – honestly, I won’t be going to a rave party surrounded by people who can’t look straight anymore. It is just not where I should be and I know this. Yes, it can be tempting because I did enjoy these parties a lot in the past, but it is just in alignment with where I am at in life right now. Besides, I guess it’s not as much fun as it seems and I’m not missing anything by not going.
Time heals
The longer you are sober, the more used you get to your new lifestyle. As you develop healthier coping mechanisms and address underlying issues, managing stress and emotions without substances becomes more natural. Also, as you achieve milestones and see the benefits of sobriety in your life, such as improved health, relationships, and self-esteem, motivation to remain sober often strengthens.
Trust the process..
If you are like me, you have spent the major part of your life drinking and doing whatnot. We can not expect ourselves to be healed, happy, and content in a few days, or even months. It is going to take some time, all we need to do is put the effort in and have some faith. Remember it is a huge decision you have made, and you will need some time to adapt to the new life you committed to.
As mentioned, I just returned from Cape Town and I recently celebrated my one year clean milestone. When I got sober I was expecting myself to be the happiest I have ever been around this time. The truth is, a month ago I was feeling horrible.. I was down, unmotivated, tired and miserable. I didn’t understand why I felt this way and my courage sank in. But my biggest lesson learned from this is that it always gets better. Nothing is permanent, everything is temporary. So even those months of feeling like you want to hide in bed all day will eventually pass.
So, I hope you got something out of this post and it gives you a bit of faith that it WILL get easier. All we need is a bit of patience. Let me know in the comments what your experiences & thoughts are on this.
Love,
B.
